sitting here drinking twice warmed coffee with thoughts of you at every sip. with lips so bruised from bite marks and nervous habit i return to my major with great hesitation. he said the most important thing to remember is to never stop running. so i spent a summer working and writing and running away from a year of hard work. i spent a summer as a writer, as an artist, as a gilmore girls & sex in the city junkie. my room is filling with baskets of laundry i refuse to fold. my bathroom is filled with laundry to wash and i have no more clean bras. And this is just to say that when i say i am hard on myself, that is an understatement because i berate and persecute myself and I don't eat and I don't sleep- woe is me, it is still not enough. the progress that was made but now i'm running. my skin will be sunshine and my lips will taste like secrets. first petrified hair, sophomore year of college. so now my hair is black and bleach and eggplant and malaysian cherry and hazelnut. my hair is straight curly poofed wavy and indecisive just like me.
Eyelids are canvases to me.
I buy dresses and skirts and collect dial soaps. i spent a summer filling mirrors with ideas of neglect and worry and tears so there was scarcely enough room left for me to find a true reflection. i spent a summer with Figaro and a tongue thick with Italian, but there were times when my taste buds found German. i spent a summer on my knees for you and God. and my car broke down on the Vestal parkway so i walked through Wal Mart at 12AM and bought hair dye and a can opener. saw joseph's taxi and considered asking him to take me away. i am ready to return but my arms are heavy with exhaustion and bones and burdens that people lay on me for storage. i drink acai juice and buy artichokes from the grocery store. i spent a summer running and when i finally hit the Virginia shore i will sink my toes in the sand. when his arms find me in a season, i will be home.